The Pumpkin Pie metaphor

I can compare everything that means happiness to me, to equivalent to Pumpkin Pie.

It's joy, happiness, glee, stars in your eyes love, anticipation for what the future will bring you.

I bought this pie and didn't realize how much symbolism it could have in my life. Saved this for a special occasion as a reward to myself, but tonight the shit hit the fan and it became so utterly undeniable to me that waiting for the reward wasn't doing me any good.

Being dropped kicked on your ass back to reality, hurts and it hurts every time it happens. I can't even curse anything, since its a call to action. When I hear people complain about the most inane things, I think what a waste of energy. I don't like the person I've becoming or the way I've been recently and I can't go on this way.

Why wait? when you're starving for change... I can't even be upset because this is exactly what I wanted, a way out of this situation and now I have it, so if anything I'm blessed.

If every moment counts and none of the moments I've had lately seem to matter, why would I even have an inkling of sorrow or regret. My only regret is having been in this situation in the first place, that said, it wasn't atrocious but certainly I felt in my grey muscle it wasn't right or true to me. I couldn't lie and say this was my ideal because it wasn't.

This Pumpkin Pie symbolizes utter and total freedom- the one I've always had and neglected to explore, hidden treasures and pleasures that await me as I take that first bite.

It's in the oven and baking, then it has to cool 2 hours and then I'll take my first bite...

You can lie to others but not to yourself

Define Honesty as you see it:

A. To tell the complete truth without leaving any details out
B. To not be misleading
C. To tell every detail possible, whether its necessary or not

I am going with B because, its impossible to tell the complete truth sometimes and on occasion one does not need to tell someone unnecessary details.

Classic Example: Girl asks Boy, do I look fat in these pants?

This question puts the Boy in the exact situation where you make a liar out of them. Girl why would you put them in this position, because you know deep down whether or not you look fat in the pants.

You either
a. want them to lie to you
b. be honest with you (but then get upset when they do)
c. either way this is a trap

The smarter man will refuse to answer, distract them from the question or compliment them (since thats clearly what they wanted to begin with)


Did you do something wrong? Who really answers Yes to this question, I think anyone whether or not how "honest" they are if they can get out of trouble by skewing the facts or truth they will snap up the opportunity and be gracious.


As better defined by my current male counterpart: men are plagued by a need to either fight to the death, fight to defend honor or to let unspeakable acts occur as they watch because it's the better option.

Do they want to protect and defend their lady? Yes
Do they want to fight to the death? If they have to, Yes
but if its completely avoidable No
Do they want to sit idly by and watch you suffer? No

I've known so many weak, insecure men in my days; hell I've dated nearly enough. It's not that I don't want a strong, competent partner, its just hard to find. Hard to find one who doesn't want to possess me or devour me and spit me out once they have accomplished what they needed to. One who doesn't want to destroy the essence of my being, its not always conscious behavior but rather due to their lack of self-actualization. They are painfully unaware of their self destructive behavior and its impending doom that the surrounding environment spirals down with them.

To be fair, plenty of women have are pretty insecure also, hence why they seek constant image approval from their mates, society etc. Trust me everyone would be a lot happier if they didn't give a shit what people thought of them. When you decide that whatever is popular, current etc, has no bearing on your own life, you are free to create your own world in which to live and become a part of. Self-Sufficiency is truly bliss.

That being said, alternative subcultures are getting an F right now. I remember 5 years ago what a difference there was compared to now. Whatever happened to supporting your friends endeavors? Whatever happened to being creative, inspiring, ambitious and productive?

What is so cool about being jaded? ineffectual? unaffected? consumerist? capitalist? starving artist? hipster?
Hipster by the way is defined as a subculture in which has NO political views, a terribly ugly fashion sense and the first subculture to just accept marketing/consumerism entirely too well.

See previous blog Previous Blog on Hipsters


He= Eeyore I=Tigger


Eeyore+Tigger= Odd sort of unbalance, hot sex, good friendship but ≠ lifelong partner


Eeyore is a donkey and for some he is their favorite Pooh character amongst all the others. He is a blue-gray donkey, about 3-years in age and stands 18 inches tall & 27 inches in length. He is originally like the other Pooh character; stuffed with sawdust. His appearance is highlighted by a small light pink bow on his tail. He is an intelligent animal but tends to keep to himself. Eeyore is a extremely gloomy donkey and has a very bad habit of losing his tail! Mostly, he tends to depend on his friends to find his lost tail for him and thereafter Christopher Robin fixes his tail using a drawing pin. What he simply adores is that his friends remember him on his birthday and celebrates it with him. He often says “Thanks for noticin’ me” and “Oh, well”.


Tigger is a very Bouncy Animal and resembles a tiger. He is always in an electrifying & exuberant mood and loves to bounce, bounce and bounce. He is 23 inches tall and his most standout feature is his springy tail. His character is easily recognizable by the black & orange stripes, a springy tail, and a long chin, beady eyes which all mix well into his bouncy and fun loving personality. He is a bouncy, pouncy, flouncy and a trouncy creature that is always looking to make the most out of what life has to offer. The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is that "I'm the only one!" Tigger likes to bounce a lot, "cause that is what Tiggers do best." His favourite food is the extract of malt but is known to be an extremely fussy eater. He takes a lot of pleasure in being able to “unbounce” some of the other animals in the 100 Acre Wood.

Begrimed in Rodarte

Ecstatic to find out that I didn't miss the Rodarte exhibit, tomorrow is the last day though!

Cooper Hewitt Design Blog

Next Showings of Silent Films with Live Accompanist!!!

Current Favorites
Current Designer
Current Film Maker
Recipe to Try

Also freebie that is awesome... click here


It's been pouring down rain for the entire day, I want to see some flowers pop up after this!


Huggles et Bisous
Tr Re

Reveries in Snow

Currently Listening to: Everywhere by Cranes

Don't you know I care
Don't you know that I'll be there
As soft, as wide as air
Climb to the stars
Shine high up there

And fall into your stare
With all the colors I can wear
I'd touch you if I dare
And there'll be angels everywhere

And when our body is bare
And everything is soft and clear
As close as we can bear
And all our love goes everywhere

And I know I could be lost
And always too soon it's over
But there's everything to feel
And there's everything to discover

Cranes tshirt

I walked to the grocery store, listening to the EP Collection, it was 38 degrees out, with the sun shining and fully melting the left over snow. It was perfect and exquisite, one of the best grocery trips I had ever taken. As I was walking I was feeling really good and feeling like I'm really becoming the person I want to be more than ever. I also can't recall the last time I was this happy seriously. Life is beautiful (in the snow, in the rain, as long as I'm listening to Cranes, it all charming, seducing and enticing to me)


Decisions, Decisions

I was supposed to be in Montreal but it was rescheduled due to the snow... which is good because I'm spending tonight with my petit ami its his birthday and then I'll leave tomorrow night and be back probably Monday or Tuesday.

Debating between Kinetik and Treffen: Several people I know are opting for Kinetik and I've been going to Montreal quite a bit lately so I'm sort of over it and want to do Germany.

Festival Links
May 12-16 Kinetik
May 21-24 Wave Gotik Treffen

Bisous et Huggles
<3

Audra- There are No Snakes in Heaven Lyrics

Not as you are
Looking up towards the sky
A cigarette in motion
My almost best friend

Meet me after midnight
behind the woods
His father sent him away
sent him away...

Everything is enchanting
in a shiny black lacquer
London (on the brain)

and the air that breathes into my face
with the leaves and the trees
Think about sadness
and pace yourself

Send away your heart (4x)


This song happened to be stuck in my head last night and I finally tracked it down today on last.fm
I recall it from the Projekt compilation from 2002!

Immersion or 10 years of delayed personarl growth

(Listening to Blutengel)

My status should read: wants to immerse herself into darkness and come out pure white snow
Fallen and not sentenced


(In Conversation)

I realize no matter what I'm not going to be attracted to a girl who bakes apple pies or a boy who wears blue jeans. We like the color, the senses, the essence of that, I forgot what it was that attracted me to it all and its all essentially the same.

You didn't know where you fit, you didn't think you fit anywhere, then you embraced a dark aesthetic and suddenly everything makes sense. So ten years here I am still listening to the same music.

When I was a stranger to it all is it the strangers who have the same romanticism of it too?
Maybe but they didn't read Ann Radcliffe or listen to Mephisto Walz.

That's what it comes down to, Interests? Maybe having things in common is overrated but the attraction factor just isn't the same. He likes girls who wear vinyl, corsets and latex; he tells me and I think hell who doesn't?

The guy I'm seeing just kissed a guy last night and I'm actually a little bit proud and it wasn't anything that I convinced him to do. Girls think that guys who are effeminate weirdos are hot, just as much as guys like sluts.

Can I show my new toy off today?

Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be.

First Day of Recognition or Reigniting Ambition & Inspiration

Listening to: Proem- Socially Inept off my Jega Last.fm station~~~


Forgive this for being an odd day but what better time to start than now; never a better moment than the present. It's not the past, you are NOT your past mistakes and I know you can do better. You want it, you take it; never been the sit and wait type, no patience is a good thing in this case.


I just wanted to let you know what I really think of you

I wanted to see what you saw and thank you for what you said

More than ever that 3rd perspective needs to be seen... expose it, cultivate it


Downfalls of Procrastination and Inward Anger; come from past behavioral patterns

Reinvention needs to occur; Self-Destruct to reconstruct; Start over in an innovative way



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Interviewing Petunia:



Who are you?

My name is Petunia; I'm a dynamic, assertive, attention-grabbing philanthropist


How did you see yourself?

As just falling short of perfection


Why is that?

Cultivated expectations, that are propagated by inside and outside resources


What do you want to see more of?

Vivaciousness in the environment, Stars in your eyes again, Adoration and Appreciation, Creation in place of Destruction


What is it that you are attempting to accomplish here?

Further exploration and research is needed to finish this unfinished prototype; We are always destined to be the incomplete art project

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."

Free to Good Home?

~Reposted email from Freegan mailing list~

January 6, 2010
About New York
A Clothing Clearance Where More Than Just the Prices Have Been Slashed
By JIM DWYER

In the bitter cold on Monday night, a man and woman picked apart a pyramid of clear trash bags, the discards of the HM clothing store that reigns in blazing plate-glass glory on 34th Street, just east of Sixth Avenue in Manhattan.

At the back entrance on 35th Street, awaiting trash haulers, were bags of garments that appear to have never been worn. And to make sure that they never would be worn or sold, someone had slashed most of them with box cutters or razors, a familiar sight outside H & M’s back door. The man and woman were there to salvage what had not been destroyed.

He worked quickly, never uttering a word. A bag was opened and eyed, and if it held something of promise, was tossed at the feet of the woman. She said her name was Pepa.

Were the clothes usually cut up before they were thrown out?

“A veces,” she said in Spanish. Sometimes.

She packed up a few items that had escaped the blade — a bright green T-shirt that said “Summer of Surf,” and a dark-blue hoodie in size 12, with a Divided label. The rest was returned to the pyramid.

It is winter. A third of the city is poor. And unworn clothing is being destroyed nightly.

A few doors down on 35th Street, hundreds of garments tagged for sale in Wal-Mart — hoodies and T-shirts and pants — were discovered in trash bags the week before Christmas, apparently dumped by a contractor for Wal-Mart that has space on the block.

Each piece of clothing had holes punched through it by a machine.

They were found by Cynthia Magnus, who attends classes at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York on Fifth Avenue and noticed the piles of discarded clothing as she walked to the subway station in Herald Square. She was aghast at the waste, and dragged some of the bags home to Brooklyn, hoping that someone would be willing to take on the job of patching the clothes and making them wearable.

A Wal-Mart spokeswoman, Melissa Hill, said the company normally donates all its unworn goods to charities, and would have to investigate why the items found on 35th Street were discarded.

During her walks down 35th Street, Ms. Magnus said, it is more common to find destroyed clothing in the H & M trash. On Dec. 7, during an early cold snap, she said, she saw about 20 bags filled with H & M clothing that had been cut up.

“Gloves with the fingers cut off,” Ms. Magnus said, reciting the inventory of ruined items. “Warm socks. Cute patent leather Mary Jane school shoes, maybe for fourth graders, with the instep cut up with a scissor. Men’s jackets, slashed across the body and the arms. The puffy fiber fill was coming out in big white cotton balls.” The jackets were tagged $59, $79 and $129.

This week, a manager in the H & M store on 34th Street said inquiries about its disposal practices had to be made to its United States headquarters. However, various officials did not respond to 10 inquiries made Tuesday by phone and e-mail.

Directly around the corner from H & M is a big collection point for New York Cares, which conducts an annual coat drive.

“We’d be glad to take unworn coats, and companies often send them to us,” said Colleen Farrell, a spokeswoman for New York Cares.

More than coats were tossed out. “The H & M thing was just ridiculous, not only clothing, but bags and bags of sturdy plastic hangers,” Ms. Magnus said. “I took a dozen of them. A girl can never have enough hangers.”

H & M, which is based in Sweden, has an executive in charge of corporate responsibility who leads the company’s sustainability efforts. On its Web site, H&M reports that to save paper, it has shrunk its shipping labels.

“How about all the solid waste generated by throwing away usable garments and plastic hangers?” Ms. Magnus asked in a letter to the executive, Ingrid Schullstrom. She volunteered to help H & M connect with a charity or agency in New York that could put the unsold items to better use than simply tossing them in the trash. So far, she said, she has gotten no response.

On Monday night, Pepa’s shopping bag held a few items. She pointed to her gray sweatpants. “From here,” she said.

How about coats?

“Maybe tomorrow,” she said.

E-mail: dwyer AT nytimes.com

Copyright 2010 The New York Times Company


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