too weird to live to rare to die

clammy hands, drooling lots of it


space odyssey is a terrible movie, its like a necessary evil. I don't ever want to watch it again.

present same ideas but in a new format
Change game plan

Silence has been going on for hours and it was nerve wracking but now its calm. I'm not used to peacefulness.

im brought back to a younger me, when I was about 16-17 and I was really quiet and didnt speak to many people and I read a lot of books and stayed home.

working at a bookstore killed my enthusiasm for books but you know what suckahs its back with a vengeance. Technically im still employed my discount still works, so if anyone wants a discount off of barnes and noble tell me.

I need a vanity set i need to decorate. uh two of hearts just popped into my head...
I heard that song the first time I went into a nyc thrift store and when i found the most awesome dress that I had to have.

I need a dress form and a sewing machine, im tired of sewing by hand.
there was this guidance counselor when i was in elementary school
I almost got into gifted they tested me twice, thats how close i was.

she gave me this book on how to design clothes and it was wicked old from like the 50s-60s and it was so basic but she gave it to me, so i could learn how to design and i think i fiddled with it but ultimately i just kept it. But i still have it somewhere in all of my things. I want to write that counselor a letter if I ever design more clothes etc. She is the first person to encourage my design ability.

When i was 9 or so my best friend and I would go around to the neighbors and collect clothes and go through them and I would cut things up until i liked them better. But a lot of it we sent to her family in the Philippines. What did I want to be when I grew up? a fashion designer or an ice skater, i dont know why but i did, i liked rollerblading a lot, me and Amy would go in our circle front and backwards and we listened to Stevie B and ATB and Captain Hollywood and all the other things that we would borrow from her mom's cd collection. We would borrow the cds that her mom bought and make mixed tapes, i love mixed tapes. WE used some of my tapes and I sorta regret taping over, its me as a little baby and it was just so weird for me to hear, it made me wanna cry. I looked at a picture from when i was 3 and i cant identify with it at all, its like i'm never who i look at in the mirror.

p.s. im sorry that I ruin shit but im working on doing better

p.s.s i need a best friend who lives near me