Art of Becoming Integrated

Consumer #1

2011-12-31T20:04:00.000-08:00

Dear anyone who knows how to read.

Here I am reading an eBay sellers Store page where she has to use her page in order to defend herself against "negative" transactions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People are People, to be human is to err

Don't take it personal

How about don't get so bent up about stupid shit? I guess that's equivalent to Don't Sweat the smalls things?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think that anyone who is intelligent (meaning able to respond and interpret their surroundings) i.e. emotionally, verbal, mentally will most often say hey, I want to be good, I want to do the right thing, I want to help another human being.

Then you as a "good" person want to help your customer and then the customer takes you for an idiot or treats you like shit.

Example: Tonight, going to pick up Chinese food my bf walked into the place, with a guy arguing with the owner about how he didn't get what his order came with. The owner came out and told him he had ordered an appetizer and it didn't come with broccoli.
But finally the owner said you know what, I'll give it to you anyway (being a good person trying to please their customer) and then the guy said forget it and left.

Where did our culture learn such horrid manners? Is it so hard to take a step back and say, my takeout Chinese isn't a perfect meal, these people have to have a life too oh and its fucking New Years Eve dickwad.

Then my bf's response was to the owner after it ended, how the guy needed to chill out and take it easy, ended with us having lots of soy sauce and fortune cookies, because this is a family business and these people work every day, when do they go on vacation?

You lowlife/working stiff have the audacity to be rude to these people where do you think you have that right? None of us have the right to treat anyone so cruelly no matter how shitty our day was.

We are not feral correct? We aren't Mogli in the Jungle Book and yet we can demand, yell, act like children, like zoo animals that need to be kept on leashes and not on the streets and you still have faith in humanity?

Too many people are asleep when they should be awake, stop getting upset about minutiae and honest mistakes. Stop being so self-absorbed, when you are vain and empty and have nothing to offer the world. Nothing worse than being aware of how you are just a spoke in the wheel of life. Nothing worse than having a job and being unappreciated and undervalued.

CONSUME.MARRY AND REPRODUCE.OBEY.STAY ASLEEP

My New Year's Resolution isn't very common it is to be less distracted by buying consumer goods, it is to stay awake not asleep and to waste less time, since time is all we have until we don't.

Create more! Love More! Buy less! Waste less!

Tru's Amazingly Delicious Masala Tea Recipe!

2011-11-17T18:19:00.000-08:00

10 green/white cardamom pods, cracked, seeds removed, and pods discarded, or 1/2 teaspoon cardamom seeds or ground cardamom
1 (1 1/2-inch) piece cinnamon stick
4 peppercorns (I used black, you can also use white)
1/4 teaspoon fennel seeds
2 Bay Leaves
4 - 8 Full Cloves
1/3- ½ cup Milk (you could use condensed also)
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
6 cups water
5 full tea bags of English Breakfast Tea or other Black Tea
For loose tea use 5 teaspoons of Black Tea
Sugar or Honey to taste

Note: You can also add to this if you want: Anise and any of the above ingredients in smaller/larger quantities

Preparation Instructions

Combine all ingredients except milk and sweetener and boil for 10 minutes.

Once the pot has reached boiling point, set to simmer and add the milk and sugar.

Strain and serve

Yield: 1 Pitcher/ 1 Kettle Full

Help me win my favorite pair of shoes!

2011-06-25T13:36:00.001-07:00

I entered a contest to win Irregular Choice "I'm Bossy" shoes in Green

If you would be so kind you can vote for them!
I'm currently in First place and the contest ends 6/29

Please vote for my shoe here http://t.co/kyqNZ0V Like Stylehive first and then vote for the Green shoes with polka dots and bunnies <3

Thankies

Reading most people's tweets is as interesting as overhearing conversations on the subway

2011-05-04T02:24:00.000-07:00

Let me preface all of this by saying, sure I live with a curmudgeon hermit.
But as time goes by I see more and more evidence that he isn't so wrong about the way he sees some things, especially his ideas about people and interactions he has with them. I can wholeheartedly relate to most of them.

I grew up around poor, uneducated people.. suburban nightmare
same old story... i was weird, smart and a bitch

(as you might have noticed... none of those things have changed about me)

so now I live in a city of people encroaching about 9 million

I get less and less tolerant of people as each day passes

I want to be a good person, I want to be nice to people, I want to have no prejudice and I want to not assume; but if I don't have any sort of inclinations towards animistic reactions, I won't survive on my own. Paranoia keeps you safe, naivety leaves you for dead.

I don't comprehend the way most general people think, it bewilders me. I either have to assume they are:
1- a robot who can't make their own decisions or wont make them
2- someone who is aware of what is going on but refuses to accept it so just goes with the crowd
3- actually a zoo animal in human form, with an IQ of around someone who has a brick to the head

and then there is that small percentage of people who think for themselves, question authority, analyze, investigate, challenge everything and who can hold up an interesting conversation.

All this from reading people's twitter feeds... seriously no one reads them, we are all stupid, self-important assholes, who should fight for freedom and get out of this rat race alive. I'm sickened by the inane conversations, I almost want someone to say Im wearing something weird so I can tell them they should read a book or do something else more constructive. It's harder not to stereotype except I see it all the time on the subway. I listen to loud music on the subway just to drown any knowledge of uselessness around me.

I consider myself to be an open minded person, but its hard. I went to a Sikh festival over the weekend and had an interesting conversation with one since I wanted to know more about their culture and practices, since I had no idea. While we were waiting in line for free Indian food, a group of about 10 Indian women, cut us in line and looked down at us since we were white. I really wish we were all one color, so then it wouldn't be about skin tone, it would be about who is polite, kind or intelligent.

For anyone who thinks living in new york is awesome, its not, please don't move here.
Thanks

Does anyone out there in the world, use their brains at all, if so please feel free to tell me your thoughts, I'm listening

Excursion, Subversion & Obscure Cure

2011-02-03T02:08:00.000-08:00

Hello there valiant readers! It's been far too long since I've written anything for more than a few reasons but now seemed like a good time. Finally wrote a blog after 9 months of nothing!

Update Time!

I'm entering into my 4th week at my internship with Betsey Johnson.
I've had the delight of learning new skills and running odd errands.

Here goes...

1. Ms. Johnson's occasional coffee wench!
2. Going downstairs to get a vitamin water, only to be dumped and used to conceal Korbel Champagne
3. Having to find Hi Loft Batting (Had to go to a quilting store)
4. Color matching yardage/pieces to fabric we have or samples
5. Helping the trim coordinator keep updated with email
6. Going to the flower district to buy roses for a photoshoot
7. Free books when Betsey cleaned out her office
8. Hanging Vintage clothes on clear hangers
9. Dropping off/Picking up (Patterns, Samples, yardage) to domestic factories
10. Having Snap Tape custom made
11. Normal things (filing, cutting fabric, getting lunch etc)
12. Organizing the entire Lace Trims by size and type (Ongoing Project)
13. Getting swatches from companies we deal with directly
14. Sourcing trims and fabrics
15. Modeling Prototypes for Design and Retail Staff
16. Inventory of shipments received
17. Fabric Dyeing (making yardage darker, custom made colors)
18. Having Betsey come in and teach me her dyeing method :)
19. Working on projects all associated for Show aka Fall Fashion Week
20. Helping backstage at Show on Feb 14th
21. Steaming wrinkles out of Tulle Dresses

I'm sure there are more but these are the ones that came to my jaunty mind!

***Notable Events***
There was a box marked FREE in the kitchen area and I snagged 2 dresses!

I found a piece of fabric awhile ago and it had an interesting pattern on it so I brought it in with me to show the designers. Everybody loved it! and it was approved by the Pattern making Director. I can't wait to see what they use it for!

Last weekend I went to HOUSING WORKS (the warehouse in LIC) for the "ALL YOU CAN STUFF" Sale and got a discount, $15 instead of $20. You have to dig but I found some cool stuff.===> 2 Tights, 1 pair of socks, 6 Dresses, 6 skirts, 7 Blouses, Nicole Miller Leather Jacket, pair Black Velvet Pants, Tapestry purse, Mustard Dress Jacket, Winter Knitted Hat, Vintage Velvet Hat, a scarf, lace collar and a black cummerbund all for $15.00!

I'm cleaning out my closet and perhaps will post pics if anyone is interested in anything let me know.

Last night I hung out with a friend who said this internship is akin to the Harvard of Fashion and he's right!

It can only get better as time goes on and I'm pretty happy with everything in general. :)

<3 moi

The Pumpkin Pie metaphor

2010-04-05T21:17:00.001-07:00

I can compare everything that means happiness to me, to equivalent to Pumpkin Pie.

It's joy, happiness, glee, stars in your eyes love, anticipation for what the future will bring you.

I bought this pie and didn't realize how much symbolism it could have in my life. Saved this for a special occasion as a reward to myself, but tonight the shit hit the fan and it became so utterly undeniable to me that waiting for the reward wasn't doing me any good.

Being dropped kicked on your ass back to reality, hurts and it hurts every time it happens. I can't even curse anything, since its a call to action. When I hear people complain about the most inane things, I think what a waste of energy. I don't like the person I've becoming or the way I've been recently and I can't go on this way.

Why wait? when you're starving for change... I can't even be upset because this is exactly what I wanted, a way out of this situation and now I have it, so if anything I'm blessed.

If every moment counts and none of the moments I've had lately seem to matter, why would I even have an inkling of sorrow or regret. My only regret is having been in this situation in the first place, that said, it wasn't atrocious but certainly I felt in my grey muscle it wasn't right or true to me. I couldn't lie and say this was my ideal because it wasn't.

This Pumpkin Pie symbolizes utter and total freedom- the one I've always had and neglected to explore, hidden treasures and pleasures that await me as I take that first bite.

It's in the oven and baking, then it has to cool 2 hours and then I'll take my first bite...

You can lie to others but not to yourself

2010-03-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

Define Honesty as you see it:

A. To tell the complete truth without leaving any details out
B. To not be misleading
C. To tell every detail possible, whether its necessary or not

I am going with B because, its impossible to tell the complete truth sometimes and on occasion one does not need to tell someone unnecessary details.

Classic Example: Girl asks Boy, do I look fat in these pants?

This question puts the Boy in the exact situation where you make a liar out of them. Girl why would you put them in this position, because you know deep down whether or not you look fat in the pants.

You either
a. want them to lie to you
b. be honest with you (but then get upset when they do)
c. either way this is a trap

The smarter man will refuse to answer, distract them from the question or compliment them (since thats clearly what they wanted to begin with)

Did you do something wrong? Who really answers Yes to this question, I think anyone whether or not how "honest" they are if they can get out of trouble by skewing the facts or truth they will snap up the opportunity and be gracious.

As better defined by my current male counterpart: men are plagued by a need to either fight to the death, fight to defend honor or to let unspeakable acts occur as they watch because it's the better option.

Do they want to protect and defend their lady? Yes
Do they want to fight to the death? If they have to, Yes
but if its completely avoidable No
Do they want to sit idly by and watch you suffer? No

I've known so many weak, insecure men in my days; hell I've dated nearly enough. It's not that I don't want a strong, competent partner, its just hard to find. Hard to find one who doesn't want to possess me or devour me and spit me out once they have accomplished what they needed to. One who doesn't want to destroy the essence of my being, its not always conscious behavior but rather due to their lack of self-actualization. They are painfully unaware of their self destructive behavior and its impending doom that the surrounding environment spirals down with them.

To be fair, plenty of women have are pretty insecure also, hence why they seek constant image approval from their mates, society etc. Trust me everyone would be a lot happier if they didn't give a shit what people thought of them. When you decide that whatever is popular, current etc, has no bearing on your own life, you are free to create your own world in which to live and become a part of. Self-Sufficiency is truly bliss.

That being said, alternative subcultures are getting an F right now. I remember 5 years ago what a difference there was compared to now. Whatever happened to supporting your friends endeavors? Whatever happened to being creative, inspiring, ambitious and productive?

What is so cool about being jaded? ineffectual? unaffected? consumerist? capitalist? starving artist? hipster?
Hipster by the way is defined as a subculture in which has NO political views, a terribly ugly fashion sense and the first subculture to just accept marketing/consumerism entirely too well.

See previous blog Previous Blog on Hipsters

He= Eeyore I=Tigger

Eeyore+Tigger= Odd sort of unbalance, hot sex, good friendship but ≠ lifelong partner

Eeyore is a donkey and for some he is their favorite Pooh character amongst all the others. He is a blue-gray donkey, about 3-years in age and stands 18 inches tall & 27 inches in length. He is originally like the other Pooh character; stuffed with sawdust. His appearance is highlighted by a small light pink bow on his tail. He is an intelligent animal but tends to keep to himself. Eeyore is a extremely gloomy donkey and has a very bad habit of losing his tail! Mostly, he tends to depend on his friends to find his lost tail for him and thereafter Christopher Robin fixes his tail using a drawing pin. What he simply adores is that his friends remember him on his birthday and celebrates it with him. He often says “Thanks for noticin’ me” and “Oh, well”.

Tigger is a very Bouncy Animal and resembles a tiger. He is always in an electrifying & exuberant mood and loves to bounce, bounce and bounce. He is 23 inches tall and his most standout feature is his springy tail. His character is easily recognizable by the black & orange stripes, a springy tail, and a long chin, beady eyes which all mix well into his bouncy and fun loving personality. He is a bouncy, pouncy, flouncy and a trouncy creature that is always looking to make the most out of what life has to offer. The most wonderful thing about Tiggers is that "I'm the only one!" Tigger likes to bounce a lot, "cause that is what Tiggers do best." His favourite food is the extract of malt but is known to be an extremely fussy eater. He takes a lot of pleasure in being able to “unbounce” some of the other animals in the 100 Acre Wood.

Begrimed in Rodarte

2010-03-13T17:42:00.001-08:00

Ecstatic to find out that I didn't miss the Rodarte exhibit, tomorrow is the last day though!

Cooper Hewitt Design Blog

Next Showings of Silent Films with Live Accompanist!!!

Current Favorites
Current Designer
Current Film Maker
Recipe to Try

Also freebie that is awesome... click here

It's been pouring down rain for the entire day, I want to see some flowers pop up after this!

Huggles et Bisous
Tr Re

Reveries in Snow

2010-02-27T16:53:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening to: Everywhere by Cranes

Don't you know I care
Don't you know that I'll be there
As soft, as wide as air
Climb to the stars
Shine high up there

And fall into your stare
With all the colors I can wear
I'd touch you if I dare
And there'll be angels everywhere

And when our body is bare
And everything is soft and clear
As close as we can bear
And all our love goes everywhere

And I know I could be lost
And always too soon it's over
But there's everything to feel
And there's everything to discover

Cranes tshirt

I walked to the grocery store, listening to the EP Collection, it was 38 degrees out, with the sun shining and fully melting the left over snow. It was perfect and exquisite, one of the best grocery trips I had ever taken. As I was walking I was feeling really good and feeling like I'm really becoming the person I want to be more than ever. I also can't recall the last time I was this happy seriously. Life is beautiful (in the snow, in the rain, as long as I'm listening to Cranes, it all charming, seducing and enticing to me)

Decisions, Decisions

I was supposed to be in Montreal but it was rescheduled due to the snow... which is good because I'm spending tonight with my petit ami its his birthday and then I'll leave tomorrow night and be back probably Monday or Tuesday.

Debating between Kinetik and Treffen: Several people I know are opting for Kinetik and I've been going to Montreal quite a bit lately so I'm sort of over it and want to do Germany.

Festival Links
May 12-16 Kinetik
May 21-24 Wave Gotik Treffen

Bisous et Huggles
<3

Audra- There are No Snakes in Heaven Lyrics

2010-02-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

Not as you are
Looking up towards the sky
A cigarette in motion
My almost best friend

Meet me after midnight
behind the woods
His father sent him away
sent him away...

Everything is enchanting
in a shiny black lacquer
London (on the brain)

and the air that breathes into my face
with the leaves and the trees
Think about sadness
and pace yourself

Send away your heart (4x)

This song happened to be stuck in my head last night and I finally tracked it down today on last.fm
I recall it from the Projekt compilation from 2002!

Immersion or 10 years of delayed personarl growth

2010-01-31T12:13:00.000-08:00

(Listening to Blutengel)

My status should read: wants to immerse herself into darkness and come out pure white snow
Fallen and not sentenced

(In Conversation)

I realize no matter what I'm not going to be attracted to a girl who bakes apple pies or a boy who wears blue jeans. We like the color, the senses, the essence of that, I forgot what it was that attracted me to it all and its all essentially the same.

You didn't know where you fit, you didn't think you fit anywhere, then you embraced a dark aesthetic and suddenly everything makes sense. So ten years here I am still listening to the same music.

When I was a stranger to it all is it the strangers who have the same romanticism of it too?
Maybe but they didn't read Ann Radcliffe or listen to Mephisto Walz.

That's what it comes down to, Interests? Maybe having things in common is overrated but the attraction factor just isn't the same. He likes girls who wear vinyl, corsets and latex; he tells me and I think hell who doesn't?

The guy I'm seeing just kissed a guy last night and I'm actually a little bit proud and it wasn't anything that I convinced him to do. Girls think that guys who are effeminate weirdos are hot, just as much as guys like sluts.

Can I show my new toy off today?

Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be.

First Day of Recognition or Reigniting Ambition & Inspiration

2010-01-12T02:57:00.001-08:00

Listening to: Proem- Socially Inept off my Jega Last.fm station~~~

Forgive this for being an odd day but what better time to start than now; never a better moment than the present. It's not the past, you are NOT your past mistakes and I know you can do better. You want it, you take it; never been the sit and wait type, no patience is a good thing in this case.

I just wanted to let you know what I really think of you

I wanted to see what you saw and thank you for what you said

More than ever that 3rd perspective needs to be seen... expose it, cultivate it

Downfalls of Procrastination and Inward Anger; come from past behavioral patterns

Reinvention needs to occur; Self-Destruct to reconstruct; Start over in an innovative way

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Interviewing Petunia:

Who are you?

My name is Petunia; I'm a dynamic, assertive, attention-grabbing philanthropist

How did you see yourself?

As just falling short of perfection

Why is that?

Cultivated expectations, that are propagated by inside and outside resources

What do you want to see more of?

Vivaciousness in the environment, Stars in your eyes again, Adoration and Appreciation, Creation in place of Destruction

What is it that you are attempting to accomplish here?

Further exploration and research is needed to finish this unfinished prototype; We are always destined to be the incomplete art project

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away."

Free to Good Home?

2010-01-09T23:07:00.001-08:00

~Reposted email from Freegan mailing list~

January 6, 2010
About New York
A Clothing Clearance Where More Than Just the Prices Have Been Slashed
By JIM DWYER

In the bitter cold on Monday night, a man and woman picked apart a pyramid of clear trash bags, the discards of the HM clothing store that reigns in blazing plate-glass glory on 34th Street, just east of Sixth Avenue in Manhattan.

At the back entrance on 35th Street, awaiting trash haulers, were bags of garments that appear to have never been worn. And to make sure that they never would be worn or sold, someone had slashed most of them with box cutters or razors, a familiar sight outside H & M’s back door. The man and woman were there to salvage what had not been destroyed.

He worked quickly, never uttering a word. A bag was opened and eyed, and if it held something of promise, was tossed at the feet of the woman. She said her name was Pepa.

Were the clothes usually cut up before they were thrown out?

“A veces,” she said in Spanish. Sometimes.

She packed up a few items that had escaped the blade — a bright green T-shirt that said “Summer of Surf,” and a dark-blue hoodie in size 12, with a Divided label. The rest was returned to the pyramid.

It is winter. A third of the city is poor. And unworn clothing is being destroyed nightly.

A few doors down on 35th Street, hundreds of garments tagged for sale in Wal-Mart — hoodies and T-shirts and pants — were discovered in trash bags the week before Christmas, apparently dumped by a contractor for Wal-Mart that has space on the block.

Each piece of clothing had holes punched through it by a machine.

They were found by Cynthia Magnus, who attends classes at the Graduate Center of the City University of New York on Fifth Avenue and noticed the piles of discarded clothing as she walked to the subway station in Herald Square. She was aghast at the waste, and dragged some of the bags home to Brooklyn, hoping that someone would be willing to take on the job of patching the clothes and making them wearable.

A Wal-Mart spokeswoman, Melissa Hill, said the company normally donates all its unworn goods to charities, and would have to investigate why the items found on 35th Street were discarded.

During her walks down 35th Street, Ms. Magnus said, it is more common to find destroyed clothing in the H & M trash. On Dec. 7, during an early cold snap, she said, she saw about 20 bags filled with H & M clothing that had been cut up.

“Gloves with the fingers cut off,” Ms. Magnus said, reciting the inventory of ruined items. “Warm socks. Cute patent leather Mary Jane school shoes, maybe for fourth graders, with the instep cut up with a scissor. Men’s jackets, slashed across the body and the arms. The puffy fiber fill was coming out in big white cotton balls.” The jackets were tagged $59, $79 and $129.

This week, a manager in the H & M store on 34th Street said inquiries about its disposal practices had to be made to its United States headquarters. However, various officials did not respond to 10 inquiries made Tuesday by phone and e-mail.

Directly around the corner from H & M is a big collection point for New York Cares, which conducts an annual coat drive.

“We’d be glad to take unworn coats, and companies often send them to us,” said Colleen Farrell, a spokeswoman for New York Cares.

More than coats were tossed out. “The H & M thing was just ridiculous, not only clothing, but bags and bags of sturdy plastic hangers,” Ms. Magnus said. “I took a dozen of them. A girl can never have enough hangers.”

H & M, which is based in Sweden, has an executive in charge of corporate responsibility who leads the company’s sustainability efforts. On its Web site, H&M reports that to save paper, it has shrunk its shipping labels.

“How about all the solid waste generated by throwing away usable garments and plastic hangers?” Ms. Magnus asked in a letter to the executive, Ingrid Schullstrom. She volunteered to help H & M connect with a charity or agency in New York that could put the unsold items to better use than simply tossing them in the trash. So far, she said, she has gotten no response.

On Monday night, Pepa’s shopping bag held a few items. She pointed to her gray sweatpants. “From here,” she said.

How about coats?

“Maybe tomorrow,” she said.

E-mail: dwyer AT nytimes.com

Copyright 2010 The New York Times Company

* On this discussion list, there are hundreds of people who read our comments. In the interest of inclusiveness and maintaining a welcoming atmosphere, we ask that all who contribute stay respectful to others in language and intent. We request that if you want to express disagreement with others' opinions, you remain civil and express yourself without undue hostility. *

Lost but not seeking to find

2009-11-20T16:14:00.002-08:00

Sitting in a cold, dark noisy room on the 4th floor feels like I'm squatting

Bathtub is unfinished, room doesn't have the proper flooring put in

I'm debating about creating
It just feels like each day passes by too quickly for anything to really be accomplished
Isolation from everyone helps for me to grasp this notion

I was 19, sitting in your apartment on the 2nd floor in a state close to NY; you had a gf she was a bitch to me and she was the same age I'm turning in 5 days. I'll never forget what I said to myself, I'll never be like that when I turn that age, what happens now is that I realize its beyond my control, its completely natural and chemically based. You revert to being that insecure 15/16 year old you once were and then it levels off.

I talk to Lu who is a friend I've had for a little over 10 years; we are plotting our escapes from our mutually oppressive metropolises. I'll be able to laugh this all off soon.

5 days until my birthday...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The more things don't work out the more I stop caring if they ever will, I'm just about to throw in my towel completely. It's upsetting to constantly be in this neutral state but it works for the moment. I never thought new york could ever be like fl or that my mentality could ever come so close to that time I felt like hey, its time to jump ship. I'll severe all my ties in lesser degrees, I'll stop trying to make friends etc and you know what will happen (as it always does) I'm going to meet someone awesome who is going to really make me regret having to leave but I'll leave anyway and maybe the next one will follow me also but at this point it doesn't matter to me anymore.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
On the positive side:

I saw Skinny puppy on Tuesday and had a blast!

here is video footage
Visual Stimulation

Made some wicked cute underwear out of new fabric that I got

This was a nightmare that I will soon wake up from

<3 moi

Daintier, smarter, better dressed

2009-11-06T16:16:00.000-08:00

Everything is fucked up again but this time it's not so bad. I'm more prepared than ever before and I'm not even really upset. I was in that {slam the door, lock it behind me, cry my heart out on the floor mode} from all the past season's stress.

The only thing that gets to me is the sense of immediacy; the lack of being busy, the shroud of stability that I'm always after and which always seems to elude me.

Half the time I'm not really upset, I just pretend to be and maybe its just for the conflict to stimulate my brain.

Trevor Goodchild: The dream to awaken our world...
Æon Flux: Youre out of control.
Trevor Goodchild: I take control! Whose side are you on?
Æon Flux: I take no side...
Trevor Goodchild: You're skating the edge.
Æon Flux: I am the edge!
Trevor Goodchild: What you *truly* want, only I can give.
Æon Flux: You cant give it, can't even buy it, and you just dont
*get* it.

Montreal and NYC: or how the rest was won

2009-09-09T09:36:00.000-07:00

A rather odd arrangement in travel plans, very haphazardly pasted together at best. But details were ironed out fairly smoothly and then freedom was gained.

5 passengers in a rental on the way up, two were from nyc. One of the fellow passengers picked up on the connection whilst one was sleeping and the other had to deny the charges.

Reality Bites you in the Grey Muscle

2009-08-17T10:39:00.001-07:00

Morbidity, Mortality, always on the edge of revealing

Must stay quiet, prompt, polite and reserved

"I practiced detachment. I learned how to look cheerful while under the table I stuck a fork into the back of my hand. I became a virtuoso of deceit. It wasn't pleasure I was after, it was knowledge. I consulted the strictest moralists to learn how to appear, philosophers to find out what to think, and novelists to see what I could get away with, and in the end, I distilled everything to one wonderfully simple principle: win or die."

My aunt who has been battling cancer for the past few years, wants to commit assisted suicide. This will probably happen early next month.

I'm not perfect but I'd like to think I'm good at whatever it is that I chose to pursue and I often win but not before experiencing a massive amount of pain and loss. Now I don't think to myself, oh no you're too good to not experience loss and pain as that is a given and part of life, its just can't the pain come at better suited times, when you're just a little bit prepared for it. But then that brings me back to the Buddhist philosophy," even when you try and stop moving, the ground is still moving beneath you."

Engaging Debate on Hipsters

2009-07-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

Just saw this posted from Museum @ FIT, what a relevant point they make.

This adbusters article is pretty hard on hipsters. It's not their fault that marketing culture consumes everything in its path. For the counter argument, the arts/culture site Lost in E minor recently defended hipsters. Both articles generated plenty of posts and it's all quite thought provoking and telling of our own biases and tendencies towards disdain.

Other related article

Discuss this amongst yourselves and openly

XoX
Rozzalyn

Social Darwinism Revisited

2009-07-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

I can truly say I feel like I'm making an even bigger and better turn around.

I'm going in exactly the direction that I've been wanting to go and following the path I've set out for myself.

Work is great, couldn't ask for better music to be played, better people to work with and more interesting opportunities to present themselves.

Making 2 more dresses at the moment and plans for more, will start capturing (behind the scenes etc)

Boston this weekend yay, It's the Xmortis 5th Year anniversary, in homage to Manray of course.

Next week is all about apartment hunting, need to find a place by August 1st.

Which leads me back to Socializing, I've been going to more bbqs, house parties and just chilling with friends and I like it so much better. Clubs can be fun on occasion but really I've decided only monthly parties are worth it or special events, come on peeps we need some new blood/creativity in the scene, because this is a yawn! Was actually discussing this with my new manager...

I haven't even have time to sleep, volunteer or do anything else really, I try and fit things in where I can.

Also I have 3-4 new photo shoots coming up and 2 previous sets that I will get photos from.

oh and travel plans, Chicago and Philly very soon as in next month.

*That's all for now Cherubs*

Is making a huge cup of coffee because otherwise I won't be able to go out tonight, even though I shouldn't stay out too late as I have a bus to catch tomorrow.

and also I admit it... I'm addicted to Vita Coco... this stuff makes me feel so amazing, and I've noticed it might be a trend.. I swear every time I like something, it becomes popular wtf
Do they put crack it in lol... Visited a friend yesterday who also is addicted to it!

*Huggles Everyone*
XoX
Rozzalyn

The Cube Personality Test

2009-07-05T07:42:00.000-07:00

Not ready to take on a full fledged cold reading? Then try the five minute personality test. It will still amaze the target and lead her to believe you have psychic abilities. Take a pen and piece of paper, or napkin so she can write down her answers. Better yet have her draw a picture as you tell the story.

You are walking alone in the desert and you come across a cube.

How big is the cube?
What color is the cube?
How does that color make you feel?
Can you see inside the cube?
How big is the cube compared to the desert?

You see a ladder.

Is the ladder leaning on the cube?
What color is the ladder?
What is the distance between the cube and the ladder?

You see a horse.

What is the distance between the cube and the horse?
What color is the horse?
Is the horse tied up or roaming freely?
Is the horse wearing a saddle?

There is a storm.

What is the distance between the storm and the cube?
Is the size of the storm big or small?
Is the storm passing by or staying in place?
Is the storm violent, thunder, and lightning or calm and light rain?

You see a flower.

Is there only one flower or many?
Where is the flower, what is it next to?
What color is the flower?

Meanings:

Cube: The cube represents you and how you see yourself in the world. If the cube is transparent that means people can see right through you. The material the cube is made of represents feelings, and how tough of a front you put up. The size of the cube compared to the desert represents your ego. If the cube is large in comparison to the desert you think highly of yourself.

Ladder: The ladder represents your friends. If the ladder is leaning on the cube, your friends tend to lean on you for support. The distance between the cube and the ladder shows how close you are to your friends.

Horse: The horse represents you lover or ideal lover. The distance between the horse and the cube represents the closeness you have with your current lover. If the horse is tied up, then it shows the need to be controlling in a relationship. If the horse has a saddle then you feel safe with them. If the horse is free and not saddled, it means you view your lover as uncontrollable, unpredictable.

Storm: The storm represents some obstacle in your life. If the storm is passing, the issue is current with a resolution in the near future. If the storm is staying put, it has been an ongoing obstacle in your life with no resolution in sight. The size of the storm represents how big of an obstacle this is to you, as does the distance. The further away the storm the less importance you place on it. If the storm is violent it means this obstacle is causing quite some grief.

Flower: The flower represents your children or desire to have children. The closer the flower is to the cube, the closer you feel to your children or the thought of having children. The more flowers the more kids you wish to have. Also represent projects you like to work on.

Meanings of Colors

You can ask just the basic questions or choose to go into more detail and ask about the colors of the cube, ladder, horse, storm, and flowers. Below is a list of colors and what each means.

Black: Black is the color of authority, elegance, sophistication, and seduction. Black can also imply submission such as a woman who is wearing black panties implies she wants the man to see her in her underwear.

White: White symbolizes innocence and purity, which is why the wedding dress is white. Doctors wear a white coat to imply sterility and cleanliness.

Red: The color of dominance, power, and sexual energy, the color red attracts attention. It is also the color of love.

Blue: One of the most popular colors, blue represents knowledge, authority, and loyalty. Blue causes the body to produce calming chemicals so it is often used in bedrooms. The color blue shows loyalty.

Green: Green represents compassion, prosperity, money, and vitality. It is a relaxing color. Many TV studios have a “green room” for people to sit in to relax before they go on the air.

Yellow: Yellow is another attention getter. While it is considered an optimistic color, symbolizing enthusiasm and playfulness. The color yellow is very difficult for the human eye to take in and can be overpowering.

Purple: Purple is the color of royalty. It represents luxury, wealth, and sophistication. It is also feminine and romantic and rarely found in nature.

Brown: Old reliable brown. Brown shows stability. It is the color of earth and a favorite of most men.

The five minute personality test is designed to be quick and easy. You can be as elaborate as you wish by asking more questions or keep it simple and ask very minimal questions. I like to keep the number of questions I ask minimal as to keep my interpretations open thus more likely to get a response from the intended target. Have her draw the picture as you tell the story, so you can banter her later about her crude drawings.

Self Actualization my dear

2009-05-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

People that have reached self-actualization are characterized by certain behaviors. Common traits amongst people that have reached self-actualization are as follows: [5]

They embrace reality and facts rather than denying truth.
They are spontaneous.
They are interested in solving problems.
They are accepting of themselves and also others and lack prejudice.

Visual Representation

Learn it, Live it, Love it

XoX
Moi

Biography

2009-05-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

Born in Charleroi, Belgium at Notre Dame Hospital to Beatrice and Edward on November 25th. Spent the first year of life in Belgium and then moved to Tokyo, Japan for an additional year. After that contract was up we relocated to Barcelona, Spain. My father is an English teacher hence why we moved so much. He is originally from Queens and has lived parts of his life in Long Island as well. When I was about four years old we returned back to New York and I attended a school especially just to learn English as a language of reference since I had picked up several languages being exposed to different cultures. When we returned to New York my sister Greta was born in Stony brook, Long Island. She was born with Down Syndrome and later developed Autism, Hyperactivity and Diabetes.

Shortly after that my mother relocated the family to Orlando, Florida where my parents divorced at age 6. At age thirteen I moved to Los Angeles for 7th grade with my dad in West Hollywood.Six months later I returned to Florida and lived there until I graduated high school. I graduated high school with Honors. The summer before my senior year of high school, I went to Europe. I saw where I was born and stayed with my mother's family in Fleureus. Real World Seattle played a lot and that's when I decided I loved the Boston accent and I applied to college only there and got in. Other visits included London, England, Venice, Italy and Paris, France. I decided to go to school for Criminal Justice because of my love for Science and Art. I wanted to focus more on Forensics.

Then school was over for me and I relocated back to Los Angeles.After three months I decided to move back to Boston and go on a road trip with a friend I had made before I left.We drove through New England and ended up living in Toronto for a few months before deciding to leave and move to Chicago. Stayed in Chicago for about a year and then for the fall season relocated to Pittsburgh for a Costume Stylist job. In the month of November 2007 I took a plane to three different states, Pennsylvania, Massachusetts and Florida. After spending my birthday in Boston I left three days later and moved back to Orlando. Stayed in Orlando until the summer began and moved back to Chicago. I was hired as a Costume Stylist again and did well until a lay off had me relocate once more. As of late October 2008 I'm located in the NYC area. I've been working on modeling, acting and theatre gigs. First stable job I had was a personal assistant to a stock trader, then after that worked in retail for a bit before getting the job I always wanted. Currently my educational goals are in Art/Archival/Museum Studies.

On the next Sick Sad World

2009-05-04T13:29:00.000-07:00

Can someone say Anger Management?

So glad I don't live in this hell hole anymore, there IS something in the water down there!

Available for consumption

Porn for Thought

Come see this if you get a chance!

Libido (Genetically Linked)

2009-04-20T14:24:00.000-07:00

Libido & Genetics

I've been thinking about this lately, maybe its because my parents were so open about sex with me but maybe its genetic and this some how relates to intimacy in some way, its ironic as open as they were about discussing sex with me one of them in particular was very closed off emotionally to me.

It's crazy how sometimes strangers are nicer to you than your own flesh and blood. Sometimes I think it's better to treat people as strangers rather than friends or family. We have too much emotion invested in our lineage and about procreating.

Thoughts? Comments? Share

Writing Assignment

2009-03-20T07:42:00.000-07:00

My friend and I decided to pick random words and then use it somehow in a narrative, letter etc. here is what I came up with.

Dearest Isabelle,

Within the shadows I have awaited for you fair maiden and your deviant smile that satisfies my cravings of effectual affection.

A cyclone of reveries, you swept me up into social artifice; a quaver of hearten in my quest to upend my duties to France.

You shook the very foundation of all that is my ephemeral existence.

Tonight you promised to disclose intimately the myriad of details about your estranged frere.

do not feel you are fueling my illusions of grandeur. You are quite dear to me. if you once more recite your spiel of solitary confinement, I shall be forced to defenestrate myself without hesitance.

Am I self-deprecating enough for you love? Here I lie in lachrymose lingering eternally for you my enchantress.

Clean Slate = Happiness

2009-03-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of things that make me smile and happy that I forgot about. Spending lots of time alone helps me realize them all over again.

Today I finally got the 10 page handwritten letter from a friend I've had for 10 years and seriously reading it made me so incredibly happy. It starts out to my dearest friend and just that alone makes my Grey muscle react, plus its so genuine; I can relate to all the things she wrote, I've been there, I'm glad those situations happen less and less frequently. It's not that I don't have compassion, its just I don't feel sorry for people who put themselves in bad situations. play victims and expect me to give a shit.

If you have time to complain about it, you have time to do something about it instead, yes we all need to vent, but sometimes you just need to take care of things and don't waste your words on such energy sucking endeavors.

It was really nice out tonight, I got everything I needed done as far as errands etc so yay. I've been catching up on my Zzz's and I am getting back into my interests and projects and that makes me really happy because I believe that to be the root of my malaise of lately. I was so incredibly uncomfortable but putting an end to a lot of things and replacing them with something new helped tremendously.

I'm again an empty free-floating vessel and that brings me the greatest joy of all. I will definitely be spending more time on my interests and less time socializing unless it has any real benefits. I really have more pressing issues than what am I gonna wear to the club tonight and how am I going to ward off getting hit on by people I have no interest in sleeping with.

p.s. look at this link it looks like fun! Guuumeee Bears, okay yes its from Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Reasons Why Living Alone is Optimal

2009-03-01T10:03:00.000-08:00

It all started on February 14th, I went to look at this place in Bushwick- Brooklyn and the room was cool and I met the roommate and they seemed interesting and laid back. My belongings were in storage and I was set to move in on February 20th and even took the day off work to do it.

Sign #1 Weird Text Message
Sign #2 Malarkey Excuse for why a key cannot be made
Sign #3 Having to call in order to be let into the building (screams control issues)

Whilest living there:
Sign #4 No Mailbox
Sign #5 No rent receipt/illegal sublet

So Friday the 20th rolls around and the roommate (not going to use real name so lets use Ursula)
welcomes me in and is very laid back and nice. A friend from Boston happens to be like 10 minutes away from me so I go and hang out with her. While I'm at my friends place hanging out, I get these texts from my roommate but I can't read them and so I call and say, hey Ursula what's up? She says, yeah can you give me a massage and I was like um what? and I said listen I don't feel comfortable doing that, there are boundaries as roommates. Subject is dropped

So the weekend comes around, I work go out etc and then there is another incident where the other roommate staying there who is a straight male, George, attempts to kiss me and I have to say don't come near me I will knock you out. The following day I talk with Ursula and see states oh I wish you had told me sooner, I'm really sorry and I say look I don't feel comfortable staying there with that situation already taking place, not to mention I had a bad feeling about her as well. By this point we're in the middle/end of the week. It's now Friday and I decide to come home after not being there for a few days and Ursula is really chill with me and we just decide to talk and hang out. All of a sudden she decides she wants to teach me a martial art move and I tell her no she can just explain it to me but then I end up humoring her and then she slaps me in the face and then I get up and say listen, that is not acceptable behavior. We end up wrestling a bit and I just keep restraining her so that she cannot hit me in anyway. The other roommate George is calling to get into the building since thats the only way you can get in. She ignores the calls and attacks me once more and then again I have to restrain her.

Finally she lets George in and then him and I are having a conversation and she storms into the room again attempting to attack me and once again I have to restrain her and I do so with one arm. Then when I let go she spits at me and misses and then comes into my room and slaps me in the face to purposely provoke me but I don't respond because I have a temper and I didn't want the situation to escalate anymore than it did. I said to Ursula, I'm going to bed, you have a good night.

She was threatening me saying, I've going to have a bunch of Russian men rape you. Oh I'm going to have my doctor send you a bill, I'm a cripple, you're abusive. Basically trying to be a victim.

So I spend all of Saturday moving my shit out, half I carry alone on the train to my new place and then I have to wait out the rest of the day until Ursula decides to come home and let George the other roommate in so I can get the last of my things. I have to wait until George says he is home in order to get my things, I don't go alone because I don't know if she is going to attack me again and I want a witness present. I meet my friend up and we go to my place and get my things and then she wont answer her phone and George's phone is turned off, so I bang on the neighbors window and he lets me in.

He keeps asking me is everything okay? and my friend and I are like yeah. I grab my belongings with my friends help and I give the key back and say I want my money back and she refuses to give it to me and I say you know what you keep it. I go downstairs with all my stuff and I'm trying to call a cab and the neighbor comes out and we start talking and then he is telling me that she has done this to everyone who has ever lived with her and they have been trying to get her evicted for the past 3 years.

Then I take a cab back to the city and move my stuff in and decide to go back to Brooklyn and call the police, because I did have minor scratches on me from the altercation.

Basically because there was no witnesses or rather that George would not say anything due to fear, the case was dropped and no paperwork was filled out. Justice needs to be served, boy do I feel like John Walsh saying that.

Taste the wealth of hate in me

2009-02-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

News

This month is already like half over...

Need to go to Chicago for a photoshoot

Boston for a weekend would be great just to pick up the last bit of paperwork left behind.

Maybe Florida or Mexico next month...... Can't wait for that tax return.

Hopefully moving into a new place next week
Also this new job... very excited, waiting to hear back about it

Spoke with the Belgian consulate on the phone, the lady I'm working with is going to call me back with the details to see if I can obtain the citizenship.

Oh so much to do and so little time to do it!

Baise Moi

2009-02-07T00:13:00.000-08:00

listening to L7 reminds me of a lot of things, but it makes me want to chug a bottle of vodka or whiskey and yell at people and pick fights.

I really should pick up boxing or something this is ridiculous, I just have all this rage for no reason; its probably the years of holding it in. Also I don't like when I'm behaving and someone starts shit with me, because the other person ends up hurt and then expect me to feel bad for it... if you play with fire you get burned, so stop doing it.

I don't start fights with people usually but when the opportunity arises I just want to be able to take them up on that offer. Violence is a learned behavior.

Stop trying to consume me
Stop trying to have and hold me

oh and i knew there was a reason I liked Babes in Toyland
YES

Sorry Cherubs for the long pause in the bloggage, mommy has a new job.

going to listen to bjork and sleep

This is how it begins, you push it away but it all comes back again

2009-01-06T05:42:00.000-08:00

now everything is clear
I erase the fear
I can disappear
(please) I don't ever want to make it stop
-"Please"- NIN

I've applied to 2 different agencies based in NYC, so I will find out the results very soon.
This month is getting jammed pack with all sorts of new gigs so I'm happy about that, I just need to get over this hump and then I'm good. I have an interview today, wish me all the luck in the world, this place is so me and its a job I really love and enjoy.

Then I have to worry about all these other things but I'm doing better than I was before, I'm getting closer to my goals.

This year I'm focusing more on:

*Stronger portfolio
*More acting work
*Financial Stability
*International Travel
*Focus more on performing (stage, dancing etc)
*Coming out with a line of my custom made designs
*Getting new shoes (I seriously have like no shoes)

The Allure of Old Hollywood

2008-12-31T10:26:00.000-08:00

Okay I get it, I really do. Being famous in the 20s, 30s, 40s isn't the same type of famous you would find now. Even if the old starlets had problems they don't seem as publicized as they do now. They were respected more as artists and it seems that life was a lot better.

Billie Burke- I knew that voice sounded familiar, are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Constance Bennett
Greta Garbo
Cary Grant
Clara Bow

Hollywood Royalty and they called movies, "Pictures", can I have a time machine please.

Black October here we come again

The Great Depression is the period of history that followed "Black Thursday", the stock market crash of Thursday, October 24, 1929. The events in the United States triggered a world-wide depression, which led to deflation and a great increase in unemployment.

Many economists argue that the Great Depression was both caused and prolonged by government action. Richard Rahn wrote, "After the stock market crash in 1929, government revenues fell because of the drop in economic activity. The Hoover administration and the Congress increased taxes in a futile attempt to balance the budget. The tax increase only caused a further drop in economic activity, which enlarged the deficit even more. [1]

Although the initial trigger event may not have been the result of government action, many have argued that incorrect economic policies turned the stock market crash from a momentary crisis into a decade long depression. In particular two policies have been singled out by economists.

The first is the tight money policies of the Federal Reserve which restricted the money supply. The second was the recourse to protectionism with measures such as the Hawley-Smoot Tariff Act, which raised tariffs on imports in order to protect local producers who were being hurt by foreign competition. In response, many other countries also raised their tariffs, badly hurting US businesses that exported their goods. This led to a chain reaction of tariff increases which fragmented the world economy.

In the United States, Herbert Hoover was president, and he tried to do something about the situation without much luck. One of the major problems was that with deflation, the currency that you kept in your pocket could buy more goods as the prices went down. The other was that there had been no oversight in the stock market or other investments, and with the collapse, many of the stock and investment schemes were found to be either insolvent, or outright frauds. Unfortunately, many banks had invested in these schemes, and this precipitated a collapse of the banking system in 1932. With the banking system in shambles, and people holding on to whatever currency that they had, there was minimal cash available for any activities that would cause positive change.

In Germany unemployment increased drastically, fuelling widespread disillusionment and anger. Promising to fix the situation, Adolf Hitler took over the government there.

In 1933 the United States elected Franklin Delano Roosevelt to replace Hoover as president. With unemployment near twenty five percent of the workforce, he initiated a number of government programs to increase liquidity and provide jobs, which jointly are called the New Deal. Some believe that these actions helped bring the country out of the depression--though there is considerable controversy over the extent to which this is true--and provided some of the infrastructure, including roads that are still in use today.

Because the US was still in a state of depression when it entered World War II, it is hard to make a serious argument that the New Deal was a success. The reasons, however are open to debate. Some argue that the inherent instability of a market economy caused such a bad depression that even the well-chosen interventions of the New Deal could not correct it quickly. Others argue that because this longest depression in US history was also marked by the greatest degree of government intervention in US history, it is more reasonable to argue that government action worsened, rather than lessened, the severity of the depression.

It is known that Roosevelt's New Deal programs were initially struck down by the Supreme Court, so that his initial interventions in the economy were all halted. During this time the economy was on a slow improving trend. After the Court began to uphold his interventionist legislation, the economy took a sharp downward dip, which has been called a depression within a depression, from which it was only slowly recovering when the US entered WWII. Thus it is claimed that his intervention delayed the economic recovery that had been underway. This argument is supported by the fact that his programs significantly increased business costs and uncertainty about future government interventions, thus inhibiting business investment and hiring.

Many believe that it was government-induced World War II spending that restarted world-wide economic expansion, but this is at best only partly true. Germany and Italy had "recovered" prior to WWII by making massive military and infrastructure investments. The US moved to full employment during WWII through massive military investments, but also by shifting a very large percentage of the potential work force into the military. While this was necessary, it meant the US economy had not returned to natural market conditions, and when the war ended a period of readjustment was necessary when millions of soldiers returned home. One of the purposes of the G.I. Bill was to ease this transition. In countries such as France, England and the Netherlands, of course, the war caused tremendous harm, rather than being a source of economic revival. While war is always profitable to particular businesses, it causes social and economic dislocations that outweigh any stimulus effects it might have.

So that's what we have to look forward to at least 4 years of a high unemployment rate? I'm moving and not looking back.

Surreal Occupations

2008-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

http://www.agentprovocateur.com/recruitment.php

Food scientist

You might not have ever cared who creates all the different flavors of ice cream as long as the scoops keep appearing in your bowl. Well, food scientists spend their days in laboratories developing and perfecting new flavors so that low-fat birthday cake ice cream tastes good and not, well, low-fat.

Sure, you might put on a little weight, but it's a small price to pay for making your living off of ice cream.

Salary: $53,810**

Doll fashion designer

If you've ever played with dolls, you know that their fashion accessories are no small matter. Barbeques, dinner parties, sailing -- these dolls have outfits for every occasion.

Fashion designers, like the ones who create the clothes you're wearing right now, decide what attire dolls need and come up with the best design to sell to the public. It might sound like child's play, but consider that Barbie's wardrobe makes Mattel one of the world's largest clothing manufacturers.

Salary: $62,610**

Wardrobe stylist (I've done this one and I love still love it)

If your friends and family come to you when they don't know what to wear -- or you offer this advice even when they don't ask -- you're suited to be a wardrobe stylist. You get to use your fashion sense to dress actors in commercials, TV shows and movies so that the characters' clothes match their fictitious lifestyle.

For example, you know how to dress a 20 year-old actress so she looks like a believable high school student or like a successful businesswoman, depending on the role.

Salary: Depending on the type of production and the stylist's experience, pay ranges from $1,000 per week to $10,000 per week.

Short Term

Shoe Maker

Julian (Never such a significant disavowed soothsayer)

2008-12-19T09:45:00.000-08:00

Did you ever wish me dead
Oh lover boy, oh fever head?
No you must, no you must not go away
How will you ever walk again?
And I, I might as well be dead
But I could kill you instead...
-Legs- PJ HARVEY

I remember walking around in Boston in the cold listening to Stories from the City, Stories from the Sea and nothing else, I was so addicted. When she was 22 she won an award and its very evident why, cause she's raw and fucking amazing. When I heard White Chalk, all I could think was this was how I always thought she should sound like, it was more Gothic than anything. Plus she's a real woman who knows what it feels like and doesn't sugar coat. Maybe I should pretend to be more self effacing and insecure so I could create better art. But then David Lynch says you don't have to be depressed to make great art and well look at him, he's David Lynch!

I used to be raw and charged and have emotional outbursts and it meant something. I don't miss screaming at my ex for making me so angry, seriously no one ever gets me that angry ever.

So you came to see me and you brought over Aeon Flux and we didn't even watch it. Which was fine because I had already seen it and it was terrible. You left your shirt behind and because I was territorial I set it on fire and you begged me not to. I'm sure I'm not the only one to have a weakness for Tall, hot Italian boys especially ones who looks like a famous Corey. What was the most remarkable part of our meetings were that you could read my mind and I still can't figure out how. I'm not talking about obvious thoughts but specific things that I had not actually spoken about, you're quite intuitive and maybe that's why it was as good as it was.

I was going to say I found my Julian even though I more so found my Frankie again literally.
But this is more or less the way we were supposed to be and it is and I'm happy with it and don't want it to change.

Any of you and there are a select few, are never gonna forget me and how could you, I know he didn't. I'll ruin you if you let me, but if I love you, I will make you feel like a rock star.

Urban Decay

2008-12-14T12:28:00.000-08:00

Went to see UltraV djay at Otto's Shrunken Head, ended up meeting a ton of people and dancing. Ended the night around 4am. Missed a fetish party but didn't mind.

Went home with girlfriend and boyfriend and passed out on their couch. Woke up rather hungover and it was about noon so I did everything possible to not feel like crap cause I had to model. I took the L and still felt nauseous but by the time I took the R, that feeling went away. So I got off at Times Square and damn it there were all these tourists in my fucking way, seriously get the hell outta the way.

I was to be there at 3pm for makeup and wardrobe and then after I was ready I got some soup from Europa Cafe and it hit the spot, cause I had been craving it all morning.
LUMINISIS

The event I modeled in, the pictures will be up soon so yay. There was an after party for Masae because her birthday was on the 11th and it was strawberry shortcake with a chocolate inscription that said, Happy Birthday Masae + Sagittarius :) so yay I got to celebrate my birthday YET AGAIN :) There were so many great performances, gothic belly dancers were pretty awesome and the UV performances and the music too!

Then Rachael, Chris and I went to The Smith and chilled etc for awhile, Then Chris and I blazed walking down 5th avenue and he walked me to the train. So I get off the train and have to wait for the bus and I'm thinking I'm going to have to wait until 5am but I got lucky and only had to wait an hour for the bus at 3:23 am. I sat on the stopped escalator, sketching and writing my thoughts out.

I got home before my other roommate so I made some food and then we watched the Office and passed out.

Dominant Ten of the Week

2008-12-09T12:21:00.000-08:00

Dominant thoughts of the week

1. This invite to a sweet party... there are a few of them.

2. New Job Opportunity that came up... so fucking amazing.

3. How hard my ex is trying to contact me, hehe its amusing. How many ways can I cut a person off from communication. I blocked 2 screennames from AIM, myspace profile, changed my phone number and his emails now are set as SPAM.

4. How long its been since I've seen a movie in theatres... currently interested in MILK.

5. This dream I had the other night, it was weird and this girl called me Ubiquitous, hence my status. Also there was this party and it was cool but sorta weird and the people were just random, but I really fit in there.

6. I have a love affair with Brooklyn, it proposed marriage to me and so we're engaged. The pre nup is totally crazy but whatcha want ya know? The things you do for lovezzz.

7. So I might start taking pole dancing classes, I need to add to my exercise routines, mainly revive it. Uh I have such commitment issues.

8.Fitting I had and show I modeled in on Last night

9. An interesting character that I met 2 nights ago

10. Been thinking about money so much lately, like dreams of it.
Money
To see or win money in your dream, symbolizes that success and prosperity is within your reach. Money may represent confidence, self-worth, success, or values. You have much belief in yourself.�Alternatively, dreaming about money, refers to your attitudes about love and matters of the heart.

Dream1- I was going grocery shopping and took the bus the wrong way and left some of the groceries at the store and then I found a whole stack of bills on the floor when i went back.

Dream2- I think some of my roommates gave me money because they were paying me back from money I lent them or/and they needed it for some other reason and I had overpaid so i got money back..

I definitely feel like I'm finally my own boss and I have complete and total freedom and don't need to compromise myself to make a buck.

I'm gonna watch ED WOOD and pass out again, me thinks.

-Huggles-

10 Top Things this week

2008-12-04T12:19:00.001-08:00

My Interests for this week are coming up and maybe its cause I drank a ton of coffee... Coffee is equivalent to cocaine for me. Me being excited = scary as hell

This coffee which I drank awhile ago, gave me a fucking panic attack so BEWARE OF IT!
COFFEE that gives you a panic attack, imagine that!

1. Today is my mommy's birthday and so that reminded me of an Artist she really likes Nana Mouskouri, hence the song Soleil Soleil which popped into my head immediately because my mommy played that song all the time at home. I can't describe enough how growing up with a bizarre crazy french woman has shaped me. I love her though cause she's my mommy :) and the older I get the more I realize how much like her I am.

2. This picture of my mommy when she is a month pregnant with me, she looks like me so much its frightening! minus the blonde hair and blue eyes of course but same facial structure.
here

3.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-jiOEnW7EI

4.BOSS HOG live in CONCERT! I thought about going to see Letters to Cleo but not nearly as good as Boss Hog its like if I had to choose between L7 and Babes in Toyland, its L7 all the way.
Also could there be a sexier rock couple seriously, reminds me a lot of Thurston and Kim but these kids are way hotter.

5. Yeah so now I played some NES games on Ubuntu its wicked fun and next I'm going to get the Xbox controller to work and then use S-Video, so I can be lazy about it, I've played Ren & Stimpy, Dick Tracy, Barbie and Beetlejuice so far but I have so many games its absurd.

6. Does anyone remember Friday the 13th on NES,has anyone ever beat that shit, its so damn hard!I would love to meet someone who beat it, they made that shit impossible.

7.I'm also working on my New Year's Eve outfit so I'm looking for clutches and other retro accessories from the Hollywood area of Glamor; especially into accessories/jewelry and cute shoes!

8. Zombies, I mean I never really cared about them before but then I played Left 4 dead and well then it got me thinking about how the post office is the perfect place to hide out JUST IN CASE a zombie attack happens, I mean they must have thought about that shit before they built it I swear!

9.Oh how I'm loving this website right now lovely love

10. Screenprinting (I'm gathering up supplies so as soon as that box of clothes comes in I'm doing it up) Its going to be THE FACTORY but on a smaller scale and I hate Andy Warhol and his museum sucks ass. He had a painting up which he used urine to make, I'm glad I only paid 8 bucks instead of 12. I should make a urine painting and make people pay 8 buxxx to see it then I would feel vindicated.

too weird to live to rare to die

2008-11-29T23:35:00.000-08:00

clammy hands, drooling lots of it

space odyssey is a terrible movie, its like a necessary evil. I don't ever want to watch it again.

present same ideas but in a new format
Change game plan

Silence has been going on for hours and it was nerve wracking but now its calm. I'm not used to peacefulness.

im brought back to a younger me, when I was about 16-17 and I was really quiet and didnt speak to many people and I read a lot of books and stayed home.

working at a bookstore killed my enthusiasm for books but you know what suckahs its back with a vengeance. Technically im still employed my discount still works, so if anyone wants a discount off of barnes and noble tell me.

I need a vanity set i need to decorate. uh two of hearts just popped into my head...
I heard that song the first time I went into a nyc thrift store and when i found the most awesome dress that I had to have.

I need a dress form and a sewing machine, im tired of sewing by hand.
there was this guidance counselor when i was in elementary school
I almost got into gifted they tested me twice, thats how close i was.

she gave me this book on how to design clothes and it was wicked old from like the 50s-60s and it was so basic but she gave it to me, so i could learn how to design and i think i fiddled with it but ultimately i just kept it. But i still have it somewhere in all of my things. I want to write that counselor a letter if I ever design more clothes etc. She is the first person to encourage my design ability.

When i was 9 or so my best friend and I would go around to the neighbors and collect clothes and go through them and I would cut things up until i liked them better. But a lot of it we sent to her family in the Philippines. What did I want to be when I grew up? a fashion designer or an ice skater, i dont know why but i did, i liked rollerblading a lot, me and Amy would go in our circle front and backwards and we listened to Stevie B and ATB and Captain Hollywood and all the other things that we would borrow from her mom's cd collection. We would borrow the cds that her mom bought and make mixed tapes, i love mixed tapes. WE used some of my tapes and I sorta regret taping over, its me as a little baby and it was just so weird for me to hear, it made me wanna cry. I looked at a picture from when i was 3 and i cant identify with it at all, its like i'm never who i look at in the mirror.

p.s. im sorry that I ruin shit but im working on doing better

p.s.s i need a best friend who lives near me

Back in my life

2008-11-22T13:29:00.000-08:00

I didn't even want to leave the house I was tired but I knew it would be worth it. I took the train ride from j.p and was on the guest list and walked around until I ran into the person who guest-listed me :) *huggles*

Then I was sitting down and the most awesome person ever, who I have shared many good times with, ran up and hugged me for the longest and it just made everything all better and then we filled each other in on some missed details of our lives. We reminisced about the silly adventures we went on together. They told me what they got me for my birthday and when I get it, I will pretend to be surprised.

I spoke with their significant other and that went decently enough. I was then introduced to my former roommate of only a week from 2-3 years ago. He remembered me and he was like telling me these details he remembered about me and I did the same. I told him he was quite the asshole back then, he apologized. I was caught up on the lives of former party goers I used to see around. I saw a lot of people who I had met before but never got to talk to very much.

More talking went on inside and outside and smoking of cloves.

Finally time to go to the after party and so we do and there was a lot of familiar faces and familiar pieces of furniture as well! My friend had inherited the old furniture of my first apartment, in which I def had sex on that couch and stained it with one of my old boyfriends.

I ended up listening to **WISH** in the dark with red Christmas lights on, having one of the most deeply honest conversations you can have with an almost complete stranger, who has met you but forgot they met you. It was really nice and innocent and we slow danced to Duran Duran.

I got back to J.p at 8am and rushed and had to pack, dry, shower, etc and ended up busting the zipper on my luggage so I ended up duct taping my suitcase together. I ran and it felt like a marathon, stairs, more stairs, wrong building, more elevators and I almost shoved a small child cause I had 4 minutes until the bus was scheduled to leave and you know what they waited an extra 10-15 minutes so I felt silly for having rushed so hard.

I feel like that last night made the whole Boston trip worth it because in this one night/morning I had never felt so much affection from my friend's before and I def wasn't feeling loved with all the disappointments that have come out of this trip. But honestly I'm fine, I'm so over my past.

The Boston exes are no more, I don't need to talk to their family, I don't need to talk to them and for the person who just wants to self-destruct well have fun with that.

Acrimony between women

2008-11-20T11:45:00.000-08:00

Why do women have to hate other women?

why do girls feel like they have to tear each other down?

because we still live in a patriarchal society, because women are still insecure, the media also feeds their insecurities. Shows like gossip girl where girls are backstabbing each other and competing for men... that says a lot about American culture.

Schools should set girls aside and teach them confidence and how to have self-esteem, I had to learn how to do that all by myself, maybe I would have avoided having to feel like shit if there had been classes, but I also had a strong female role model, like hell my mom would let me be some weak bitch, I wasn't even allowed to cry, I got hit for crying.

You know that when I was a pro domme we were only allowed to read books that were pro female or bdsm related, and honestly I never felt so powerful as I did doing this for a job, the only time I ever heard something negative about it was from a man who was threatened by a powerful woman;who want to tear you down and call you a whore because they are ignorant.

When I was a teenager I had to leave a party because the girls at the party thought I was hitting on their bf's when the most I even said to anyone was hi and can I have a cigarette. Girls are still jealous of me and its like oh I thought we were over all of this but I guess not.

But then again, their insecurity and jealousy is their problem. Recently a friend's gf saw me and wouldn't even say hi, so all I did was smile at her cause you know what, I don't have anything to prove, I'm a lovely young thing so be as jealous as you want to be.

I've got plenty of examples where girls have been so insecure but I do find that since I've gotten older it does seem to happen less, but another thing, I will never fight for a boy, cause there are plenty of them out there. When I see shows like Cheater and you always see the girl go after the other girl, that bothers me, cause you know what your man probably lied to the girl and she had no idea about you, why aren't you going after him.

So let's review girls...

Don't fight for a man, cause there are plenty out there

Don't be insecure and talk shit, cause it looks bad on you and its immature, grow the fuck up

Don't keep the cycle of women against women going, you don't have to be a lesbian to be pro female

My Birthday Wishlist

2008-11-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

Bauhaus mixed cd which will include: She's in Parties

A pair of cool heels or shoes (Size 8-8.5)

Red eyeshadow

Full body massage

Marc Jacobs- Daisy perfume or something similar, nothing too strong

Baked goods/Food

*****Fabric****

*****Winter Coat/ Thick Hoodie*****

Take me on a trip sometime, anywhere random would be fun :) Vegas would be fun

Handmade things I always like best, make me cards and put glitter on it

Last night's occurances

2008-11-09T15:37:00.000-08:00

I did laundry the a few nights ago, and I went with Al and when we went back to dry he forgot to press the start button so when we went back we had to start drying all over and almost didn't get our clothes dried.

My hair is purple now yay its pretty. I baked blueberry chocolate chips muffins.

Went to a club where I was on the guest list but when I showed up they didn't see my name there for some reason and I couldn't get ahold of the host or the person who put me on the list. After the fact of course I was on the list, its weird that the door people said I wasn't.

I went around the corner and waited and then some random guy from boston started talking to me, he got kicked out for passing out in the bathroom and needed a disguise and I was walking around with him and then decided to leave cause he was irritating.

So I hopped on the train and had to think about where the place was but I remembered the stop so I got off and then I instinctively found the place. I met up with an online friend that I had known for 6 years and never met.

I got a sweet drink special and hooked up with some cherries and whiskey shots. I ended up talking to the bartender for awhile as well as various people in the bar and dancing too :)

I asked the bartender for his number and he told me he was married heh, oops.

This random guy asked me my sign and he thought I was a Scorpio but then was happy I'm a Sagittarius we talked and ended up taking a cab back to his flat. He showed me all his pets which consisted of 3 different species of tarantulas and a tiger-like cat. I had tea and he stretched me out since he is a chiropractor. He also does lighting assistant for magazines and so we ended up doing a impromptu photo shoot with his real tiger skin rug.

It was quaint and then I left and took the long train ride home back to Brooklyn.
Today I got, "She's in parties" stuck in my head.

Oh yay I'm having a birthday party with (the french boy who lives down the hall) his birthday is the 18th.

I changed my O.S. and I wish I had done it sooner

2008-11-08T00:18:00.000-08:00

I'm running Ubuntu side by side with Windows until I get everything backed up and then its bye bye windows and then I think I can use my computer for a few more years at least.

:)

More News...

2008-11-05T19:56:00.000-08:00

Last night was election night as you know it....

I get home from the set and the person I'm staying with is having a clothing optional party and it spans our apartment and another apartment in the building with the doors wide open.

In the place I'm staying at it was pretty tame but the other place there was an orgy going on and it was no one I would ever want to see naked. People in their 50's and 60's.

So then another one of my housemates decided he wanted to go to Time Square so we took the camera and went; we took pictures on the subway.

The camera's battery died as we tried to take pictures but we got 3 different people to take our pictures and so far only one person emailed us the photos.

Shows the pics

One picture from on set today on KINGS. Keep checking the link for more updated photos :)

I got back and went to sleep after 3am and had a 7am call time! I woke up at 7:15 and booked it to the subway and took the G train the wrong way then accidentally took the F and then took the V and switched to the L to get the G again. Needless to say I was extremely damn late, I got there about 3 hours late. It was such a long day I did overtime I was there for about 14 hours. But that paycheck is gonna be sweet so and the Goths had our close up. Leslie Bibb was on set yesterday and I heard about her diva ways today while walking to the G train after we wrapped.

I'm going to Central Casting tomorrow.

Got a new pic from the photoshoot I did the other day :)

Sisters of Mercy+ much more

2008-11-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

so i go to see Sisters of Mercy and I forgot one little detail, I'm in NYC and who the f*ck is gonna be there but yeah that's right my old best friend. It's like how can someone who used to adore me, follow me around, love me so much etc fucking be so bitter and angry; So I walk in and literally he is right fucking there. I say hi and he laughs which I'm like w.e ya know. but still wtf.

Vanessa saw me on t.v. today and she recorded it, i cant wait to see it!
I have to call to find out when I'm working.

I spent fucking 52 bucks on a Sisters of Mercy and honestly I wished I didn't. It could have been so much better, maybe if I was up close I would have enjoyed it more. Maybe if some hot goth kid held my hand, by the way whomever was the guitarist was extremely hot, and I was ready to sneak backstage, actually I tried but I didn't see any alley or else I would have.

But at least my dress is awesome.

I'm not goth I just play one on tv

2008-10-31T14:55:00.000-07:00

I was semi lost but I figured it out pretty quickly.

I left at about 5:30 and got there in the holding room pretty close to call time which was 6:30pm. I came hair and makeup ready and then they decided to fix my hair up and make it wicked cute and they liked what I was wearing, they asked me if I was a real goth hah.

I'm like no I only like Sisters of Mercy cause I'm a christian.

Anyway there was this production guy who took a liking to me and kept asking to see my passport photo. In the picture I'm 17 and THANKS mom, for taking me to a professional photographer to make sure I didn't have a shitty picture for 10 years. He just kept asking every chance he got to see the picture.

Then I said you need to pay me to see this because this is ridiculous. So the goth table got to hang out with the whore table. WHAT IS THIS HIGH SCHOOL?

The name of the show is KINGS
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1137462/

A modern-day soap loosely based on the story of King David, in which an everyday guy rises to the seat of political power in his small town.

I play a goth person heh, its a quite the stretch.

We wrapped at 6am. Then I took the wrong train and then the right one and then finally the L.

Got home at like 7:30

Happy Halloween I guess.

Chelsea's first time

2008-10-31T14:45:00.000-07:00

I decide after getting home I need to replenish my body with water.

Then walk to where a friend whom I met in Boston who moved to the city months before me is working. I walk into the establishment(Chapel of Sacred Mirrors) and its just sorta creepy in that overly spiritual way, I can feel the live energy in it, its pure, nothing fake and I see images like cosmic christ and its the brightest thing I've ever seen. But I've heard that you should always go towards things that scare you that's how you get braver.

Or make it until you make it, I never thought I was a good actress until it was pointed out to me, because frankly I'm too blunt and obvious to be a good liar or to even try, I find it interesting how often people are shocked by things I say.
I don't like having to hold back from anyone. I would rather be myself.

I enjoy talking to women I feel kinship with and we can learn from each other's experiences and at least share and know we're understood.

I got a run around from an establishment but made up for it by spending time with an old friend of mine and had a nice time.

Coquettish Rejuvation

2008-10-31T14:30:00.001-07:00

My Sister's Birthday which also is shared by an acquaintance.

It started out a bit of confusion, a bit of that feeling that no one is going to say a word to you because you're an outsider but then said fuck it sat down. Low and behold you're like honey anyway and there sat a very lovely conversationalist and an understanding was made.

Dancing was done and on a box no less with a pretty thing from the ISLAND...Then there were brief introductions and a new scene came into the place.

A french boy whose name escapes me
A zombie girl who was a Gemini with a boy's name
and me wearing a dress I made

I got up on stage and took my belt off and used it to do a spontaneous bondage act, where I was collaring a random boy on this stage. He later thanked me for the amusement and I brushed it off. I'm sure if he had a gf she doesn't like me but no one's gf ever likes me, heh. I'm sorry you girls are so insecure, maybe if you trusted your boy and weren't so insecure you'd be awesome like me.

I loved how the bartender was fueling my fire, he gave me what i wanted without my asking, he just knew it had to be done. A couple of puffs and another parting from a friend and off the 3 of us went.

Walked to another bar, had another drink and ended up taking two more stranglers with us. It was then decided we would cross the street to the tattoo parlor and chill. But alas not everyone was allowed entrance and the french boy was denied so I gave him a hug and then he gave me a french kiss for awhile and was on his way.
So then I get inside the place and one of the artists immediately takes a liking to me and gives me a massage and started making out with me too.

Genitourinary begins....

The carpet was well cleaned... and it was filmed on top of that by a voyeur
then the zombie girl started making out with me too.

So I end up passing out and wake up and don't even know what time it is but decide I should go back to the east village, where I'm calling home that week/day/night. I get home at like 11:30am.

I think this is why I miss the east coast so much.

Catwoman speaks....

2008-10-19T09:06:00.001-07:00

I had a moment yesterday, let me tell you about it.

So I'm walking down Clark Street to catch the bus and low and behold, I see a good spot. A Green Clothing Donation bin, with tons of crap outside. So I go through a bag, cause all the other stuff is wet and ruined and not interesting regardless. I found 6 designer purses and a pair of BCBG heels. So one of the purses is sorta ugly but it has a perk because it has blue vinyl in it, and I don't know if you know, but vinyl is about 7 dollars a yard and while there isn't much material here, I can still do something with it. It was an Estee Lauder bag hah, I have little respect for designer shit anymore, cause I find it everywhere and its free. I have hardly ever paid for a designer possession in quite awhile.

I take it with me as I meet Amandacera at the zoo and we met up with her roommate and got a brief tour, will go back soon I promise! I gave her a choice of what purses she wanted cause there are plenty and she picks this white nine west one and a smaller beaded one. We all go grocery shopping and then go to her friends house and then go back to her apartment. So I had a fun night in Logan Square took two trains to land me back in lake view. In between there was a massive delay on the blue line (thanks CTA) .... You make me hate public transit even more....

As soon as I got back I was so excited about the vinyl, I started making patterns and sewing rough stitches to get a better idea of the fit and where it would need to be sewn with the machine; I could hand sew it but I'm still missing a few pieces.

FOUND

2008-10-15T01:38:00.000-07:00

It's nearly 4am and I'm cooking a french dish that my mom taught me how to make.We're so similar its ridiculous.

I'm not worried anymore.

I'm rather relieved. I'm always at my best when I'm on the edge of really losing it. I made my first pair of underwear tonight while watching a documentary on Jack the Ripper, I figured that Sweeney Todd was based on the story since the murders occurred on Fleet Street. There was another documentary about the internet and the creation of Amazon, it just reminded me of when I was 9 years old and I was the first one to have a computer and internet and I was hooked from then on.

I spent years in social isolation and being alone and reveling in that. Reading books, being elitist and not speaking to anyone,because we had nothing in common and there was no reason to waste time on them.

There is a sense of relief when I have nothing.When I'm homeless, jobless and loveless, I'm so happy and maybe its because there are no expectations and not too many people to have to deal with and it means no responsibility no commitment.

This is why living alone appeals to me;I don't want to clean up after other people.I just want to create all day.

My Convocation

2008-08-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

I got the job! Working at Chicago Costumes, I'm working out the details. Last night I had a good conversation with my friend's ex wife she has been a fashion designer for 15 years. Her and I got to talking and she said she would give me this sewing machine and some scratch fabric to get started.

I have to move to my new spot today in preparation for the new spot on Monday. This weekend is gonna be busy. Later today I have a casting call for a hair show, which is either going to be paid or on a DVD im not entirely sure.

http://www.goykphoto.com/events.asp

Check out this website in the coming days the pics from the event will be there.

this is where the after party was:
http://www.nvpenthouselounge.com/
I danced and it was great, i had to roll up my pants and shirt cause it was soo warm in there, i got people dancing too.

Also I was on the Steve Wilkos show in the audience the other day so when i find out when that airs I will let you know too. The new season starts September 15th so it should air fairly soon. I was in the almost last row on the far right and I'm wearing this black/silver sequined dress with yellow eyeshadow. The show felt very scripted because we had to clap at certain points etc and even the show itself felt very scripted like the people on stage were acting because Steve let them be alone on stage without interfering at certain points. It plays in your area i think around 2pm and it should be on some local channel, its nbc.

It's funny a lot of people from Mass and New York have been moving here, friends of some of my other friends end up here and so then I hang out with my friend's friends lol. I love my job cause i get to borrow clothes to use for shoots. My friend is a grip so he has access to film equipment and he can use it for personal projects so he wants to film my next photo shoot. I have a specific theme in mind because it will be put in the magazine that I want. I'm really loving my hair right now its sooo pretty. It's red, yellow and platinum. Someone called me Cindy lauper today lmao. but last night when it was done I would definitely say Thompson Twins, I had body paint done also and I was a phoenix.

nyotaimori+round a-bouts and where its at

2008-08-04T09:27:00.000-07:00

Chicago sushi exposed!
Would you pay $500 to eat maki off a model?
By Chris LaMorte
Metromix.com
November 7, 2005

* Email
* Print View
* Share
o Digg
o Del.icio.us
o Facebook
o Furl
o Google
o Reddit
o Spurl
o Yahoo
*
Add To Favorites
*
Add to playlist

The small fraternity of habitués that populated Kizoku Sushi's (click here for hours, maps, etc.) late-night back room, dubbed "The K Lounge," used to have a little saying: "What happens in K Lounge, stays in K Lounge."

Trite? Yes. Accurate? Not anymore.

Until recently, this River North spot was an also-ran in the competitive Chicago sushi landscape. The dishes here were generally considered solid, though perhaps not stellar. The atmosphere of the low-key lounge, which is separate from the main dining area, always felt a million miles away from the pulsating scene of Japonais or SushiSamba Rio.

Not any longer. A little more than a week ago, manager Eddy Pinto--who came on board late-summer, after serving most recently as food and liquor director of Las Vegas' Venetian Hotel--introduced "body sushi." By early Friday, not only did members of the media nearly outnumber lounge patrons, but Pinto was worn out from fielding calls from New York, St. Louis and Dallas. "It's been a nightmare," Pinto, 43, says of the attention. "I didn't know it was going to go that crazy." So what is it? Starting at $500, a party of four to six people can enjoy an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet presented on the torso of a semi-nude woman. Oyster shells and leaves cover most of her breasts. Cellophane, a G-string and bamboo leaves disguise her lower region. Bamboo leaves topped with sushi are also placed across her torso. And then, you dig in. (Pinto says he's currently interviewing for male sushi models.)

In Japan, the practice is called nyotaimori, and you've probably seen the technique most recently on VH-1's "Surreal Life," where nutsy Adrianne Curry cast herself in the role of human placemat. Pinto's first taste of nyotaimori came while on a trip to Japan in 1995. "It was the most outstanding thing I ever experienced," he says. Pinto claims Kizoku's the only restaurant in the United States currently serving sushi this way, and that he's registered a copyright for the phrase "body sushi."

Who's behind--er, underneath--all that fish? The sushi model is a 24-year-old woman who goes simply by the name Tabitha. She's a belly dancer with what look like rock-hard abs. About 10 minutes before a reservation, she lies on the table, and sushi chef Melvin Visconde strategically lays out a first course of sushi and nigiri. (A second course of signature maki rolls is presented next.) This is not a meal for the chopstick-challenged; a large dollop of pickled ginger or wasabi sits between Tabitha's breasts. A server brings drinks and other dishes, like miso soup and dessert, in traditional bowls.

Tabitha lies very still. Her breathing is slow, and she keeps conversation to a minimum. For this show of self-control, she makes $100 per 90-minute seating (two a night, five days a week)--plus tips. Pinto says, with tips, she's earned as much as $500 per shift.

He also says he hasn't heard from the city's health inspectors, and feels that, because there's no nudity and the sushi never touches Tabitha's skin, he's not in violation of any health codes.

"It doesn't sound inherently dangerous," says Chicago Department of Public Health spokesman Tim Hadac. "But, doubtless, we will talk to them about this practice the next time they're due for an inspection." Hadac says Chicago restaurants like Kizoku are inspected for health and safety violations twice a year, and that Kizoku has one more inspection slated for 2005.

What's the appeal?

"Well, I heard this place has really good sushi," says Joe Pak, 36, of Bridgeport. He and buddy Fred Vega, 37, decided to treat a friend to a body-sushi buffet as a way to celebrate another friend's birthday.

Not surprisingly, the sushi's not the only draw. "It's like [when] you were younger: It's your birthday, you'd go to the strip club," Vega says. "You get a little older, you just want to eat." Vega says body sushi presents a happy medium.

But there's a problem: The birthday boy and other members of their party are running late for the 7 p.m. reservation. You can see the sweat trickling down the side of Tabitha's breasts while the two early birds, sitting about 6 inches from her, look on, then look away. In the meantime, the sushi sits on a 98.6-degree human hot plate, eliciting more than one grossed-out comment from other patrons.

But fresh sushi isn't Vega's main concern. "It's $20 for the sushi, and the rest is for the garnish," he jokes.

Unfortunately this place is closed.

boo hoo

Have an interview tomorrow wish me luck.

Lost and FOUND ... Part A

2008-06-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

Digging through my stuff and what do I find?

I'm on the hunt for 2 items but this is what I've come across so far.

websites that I wrote down
Auctionfire.com
grrl.com
http://www.angelfire.com/in/JezebelTorture/boys.html
http://www.voy.com/
dharma.net/monstore

Song Listings:
Add it up- Violent Femmes
"Who sucked out the fun"
"We are fever, We are fever"
Y Control remix- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Icon of Coil-Thrill Capsule
MSI(Combichrist Remix)
Butterfly Messiah- Eternal
Imperative Reaction
Clan of Xymox- Heroes
Corphax Files- Machine

books:
Isbn: 0226135055
Photographs from Chicago's Pilsen and Little Village

ISBN: 0226005399
Adams, Rachel

Sideshow USA:Freaks and the American Cultural Imagination

movies:
Bikini Bandits
Briefs, Shorts and Dames?

Items:
Soy Milk Whipped Cream

Vitamins:
PHOSPHATIDYL SERINE COMPLEX (CONCENTRATION)

DMAE

ACETYL L-CARNITINE

KRILL OIL (GOOD FOR REDUCING PMS SYMPTOMS) NKO

WANDA the PANDA

2008-06-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

Click to visit my Haikoo^SM Zoo pet, Wanda, on Facebook!

The REAL LIFE AMAZING RACE

2008-05-20T11:23:00.000-07:00

Which is what I really do for a living or rather for free, would not make a difference to me honestly.

Friday (a quiet romantic evening with a 20 story view of the city)
(And room service)

Rained all day though blah and a visit to star bucks and my fellow bookseller to cash a paycheck.

Saturday:
These are the gems I heard on Saturday

All I wanna do is a little zoom zoom and a boom boom

YEAH.....Yeah....DAMCE! DANCE! DANCE!

IN THE NIGHT IN MY DREAMS I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU CAUSE YOU TALK TO ME LIKE LOVERS DO

LOOKING GOOD TODAY, LOOKING GOOD IN EVERY WAY

BACKSTREETS BACK ALL RIGHT

FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM, CAUSE I DO NT BELONG TO YOU AND YOU DON'T BELONG TO ME

Pictures will be posted on the following website http://Dianalevine.com/events
In a matter of days I’m hoping.

Sunday

Didn’t get to attend my friend’s daughters birthday party. I loafed around the house with snuzzle face.

Monday

Went to my p.o. box and checked my junk mail, its closing at the end of this month im not renewing it.

Met up with Jack and gave him Anya’s present he said he would take pictures of her opening it yay! Took me to lunch at Grasshopper a really good vegetarian restaurant. Dropped me off at Garment District where they now always have dollar a pound and I jumped right in there and found some really cute stuff.
After that I walked around until I found a shuttle called EZ ride and took me to the train station I needed to be at for free! Met up with Kev cause he was done with work and we walked to Central Square to a Mexican restaurant. His brother eventually met us up there and then I partied ways with him to meet up with my friend Sandra. I met her at Middle East and then walked down to the People’s Republic to have a drink and then we drove to her house to chill for a bit.
She dropped me off at Newton centre and I had to wait and switch a few times cause I was not sure which way I was supposed to go and eventually found my way back somewhere. I went to the complete opposite side of the train which happened to be 3 stops away from Kev’s house and then I took a bus and walked.

Today I’m just taking it easy, getting things ready for my flight tomorrow morning. He is taking me out to dinner tonight at my favorite restaurant over here.

The Value of the Experience

2008-04-26T02:44:00.000-07:00

What countries will give your US dollar the most value?

1.00 USD = 16,069.50 VND Vietnam Dong
1.00 USD = 9,210.20 IDR Indonesia Rupiahs
1.00 USD = 8,952.40 IRR Iran Rials
1.00 USD = 3,439.45 ZMK Zambia Kwacha
1.00 EUR = 2,757.76 COP Colombia Pesos
1.00 USD = 1,199.50 IQD Iraq Dinars
1.00 USD = 994.185 KRW South Korea Won
1.00 EUR = 771.328 CRC Costa Rica Colones
1.00 USD = 161.660 HUF Hungary Forint

1.00 USD = 107.520 LKR Sri Lanka Rupees
1.00 USD = 104.425 JPY Japanese Yen
1.00 USD = 78.2080 ALL Albania Leke
1.00 USD = 73.6020 ISK Iceland Kronur
1.00 USD = 71.1012 JMD Jamaican Dollar
1.00 EUR = 52.9319 DOP Dominican Republic Pesos

1.00 USD = 48.1400 AFN Afghanistan Afghanis
1.00 USD = 41.8870 PHP Philippines Pesos
1.00 USD = 40.1798 INR India Rupees
1.00 USD = 31.5480 THB Thailand Baht
1.00 USD = 23.6007 RUB Russian Rubles
1.00 USD = 16.1340 CZK Czech Republic Koruny
1.00 USD = 10.4702 MXN Mexican Pesos
1.00 USD = 7.79150 HKD Hong Kong Dollars
1.00 USD = 7.01000 CNY China Yuan Renminbi
1.00 USD = 5.11370 NOK Norway Kroner

Unrelated cool link to check out

http://www.lkozma.net/wpv/index.html

Bikini Ready woot...

2008-04-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

Makes me think of South Beach and Brazilian Waxing.

Also when people tan in the winter.

Best Bikini Workout Article

http://health.msn.com/fitness/fit-zone/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100169926

At work I see the Resistance Bands and I want one really badly. I have a very thin Purple Yoga Mat and now I see these thicker ones, I also need a mat cleaner, cause I'm sure mine is riddled with dirt. I slept on it when I lived in Pittsburgh.

(Another health article) this one is on Brain Boosters

http://health.msn.com/nutrition/slideshow.aspx?cp-documentid=100155390

Flat abs, my friend and I were talking about how hard it is for females to actually to get a 6 pack. Females don't build muscle as easily as males do.

http://health.msn.com/fitness/fit-zone/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100168573

Cruising Around

2008-04-09T10:27:00.000-07:00

Listening to Placebo on repeat

Particularly: Every you every me

“Like the naked leads the blind.
I know Im selfish, Im unkind.
Sucker love I always find,
Someone to bruise and leave behind. ”

and Pure Morning

Went to Dairy Queen and got a blizzard with snicker in it, kinda disappointing.
Got a Veggie burger meal too.
Our landline had static so I had to test the line. But first I had to kill a bunch of wasps.
Then I proceeded to test the phone line with an actual phone outside, it was so absurd.
A cordless phone outside hah.

Called the same agency to make sure they sent the fax I needed. It’s been an absurd amount of time that I’ve had to wait for some sort of proof that I paid this account off.
Called AT&T and got my phone bill reduced by 20 bucks.

By the way I love my friend mike cause he cracks me up like no one else.
He called me last night being dramatic as usual and proposed an offer to me that was the funniest thing I've ever heard.

My new shoes need to be broken in better.
But wicked cute and comfy.

My cookies are done love (Aujourd'hui pas heir)

2008-01-26T17:32:00.000-08:00

I just took them out of the oven and it is filling the air with their suppressed convoitise.

Viewing Poison Ivy
Achete une blouse et une robe

This is my day off and they are rare.
It rained all day

Lait et biscuits :)

Aujourd'hui pas hier

Ma Chienne est Belle et sa nomme est Belle aussi :)